I am set with an internal struggle right now. I am praying about this to try to determine whether this is the Lords leading or my own thoughts on the subject. Here is my dilemma:
Since I was a little girl I have always wanted to have a big family. My ideal was to have 4 kids when I got married. We all figured that I'd either have all girls because I am 1 of 4 girls, or all boys because my husband is 1 of 6 boys. When I had my son we all thought, OK so I'll have all boys. 2 years later we were blessed with my sweet little baby girl.
Since having had 1 boy and 1 girl I feel no need to have more children. I am not sure if this is because our family just feels right as it is, if its traumatic avoidance because honestly labor is enough to make anyone think twice about going through it again, or because we are constantly bombarded with the message, "You have the perfect family, stop now!"
Recently I received a revelation from the Lord, a renewed point of view on the subject of parenting in prospective of raising Christian children. It occurred to me that if the Lord chooses to bless us with more children, He'd be doing so in order for us to raise them in the ways of the Lord. To create more messengers of the Good News of Jesus Christ. I feel like He is saying to me, " I saved you to bring light to those around you through your children as well as through you!".
I am torn. I want to be obedient to the Lord, surrendering my body and life to His purposes. raising children to become strong soldiers for Christ. At the same time I honestly don't know where I'd put another right now. As it is we only have 2 bedrooms, which works for us as we are, but if we were to add another child to the mix we'd have to change something drastically. And it seems that life is geared toward a 4 person family.
Any comments would be welcome.